Elegance was dripping from her strides, charm floating out of her glance, an awful hope from her smile. But she turned away to intoxicate the rest, and he of course could not bear to do away with the wish. He stepped towards the woman, and a few details became manifest, rather disturbing, but still, beauty had flaws, he warned himself, that could not be denied. Another step, and this time not flaws, but whole horror struck. The past was now in his eyes. The ill life, the traumas suffered and caused. There could be no dismissal. Yet there was, and the self-possessed, love-struck man in search of a beauty beyond grasp, took another step, powerfully, and an avalanche, flood, a whole ocean of immorality poured upon him, unacceptable, intolerable, arrant vulgarity, filth, the hideous, unabashed humanity of her. Then nothing at all. No further step. The woman felt a stare, turned, glanced, uttered a “creep” and strode ahead.
In a moment like that, when there was no joy and no sorrow and only a rotten tiredness, he shut his mind to the world and outwardly became unconscious and inwardly jumped gleefully up and down on the trail of the gleeful mind and the things that filled it with glee and the things that gleed him up towards a mountain of made-at-precious-home joy, with the morose doctors losing hope at such pace that even a long nap under the tree would not let the tortoise reach and with their much much sober decision to cut him out of the world, and outside of the world was an absolute and absolute nothing and now, oh fun, so was he.
Toilets had gone out of fashion and streets were filled with shit, swimming through town among cars and cats. Tourism was gone and with citizens taking leaks in crossways, so was shame, and so nudity also became public and tourism flourished again, albeit with tourists in masks, with only few aroused and willing enough to be without such obstacles between them and bodily beauties ahead. Senses, in a confused state, often mixed pleasure of the skin and alertness of the stink, and the new habit of people was to want lovemaking with the most profane and precarious, and psychological warfare and propaganda of old days was replaced with pornography and arousal. Generations later, atomic bombs had been proclaimed sinful for their sexual appeal, and there were fights in parliaments among prominent groups and allies advocating increase or decrease in budget for pornography as a policy of deterrence. But even by then, no one had yet discovered that it was not only nudity that had accompanied alertness, it was feces too, gaining more and more power with the new propaganda, and that was the dark instrument of the malevolent secret societies; to feed all humans with natural fibre and have them suffer in the abundance of shit, their daily agony.
– If a man were to die, would you rather step on his head and sing a jolly song or die with him?
– I do not know. What sort of a man would he be?
– A most saintly one, with nothing for the angels to find but good deeds and virtuous thoughts.
– Well, I suppose I would step on him and sing then. A good man like him would not mind.
– And what if it were the devil himself?
– Or herself.
– Yes, or herself?
– Well, surely that would depend on whether it’s himself or herself.
– What if it were herself?
– Why, sing on the dead body of course. Certainly in the most heavenly realm of God a female devil would not dare get close to me, a man, for fear of breach of modesty, would she?
– I imagine not. And if it were himself?
– Death. Death it would be.
“Hello, ye, o child o’ mine! How am I to help you, with your awfully small claws and perfectly large nails?”
“O local o’ this land, are you not aware? I’m a traveler, from planets away, coming with a purpose in mind, and it is here that I shall do my duty.”
“And what is the purpose you speak of, o overgrown child? Are you in search of your dolls and toys, or a much loved and long lost pet?”
“No, it is not that I come for. Come closer and I shall tell.”
“What is it, young child? Is it perhaps an imaginary parent you miss? How lonely you seem. But my child, take your claws away. My scalp is no place for those. I can aid you, but there are nerves and receptors and such, one feels pain with the force of you. And see what you have done now, my misshaped and naughty guest, there is blood on my scalp, and my thinking has become warped, all because of your recklessness. Now I shall die without having helped you with your purpose. Oh, are you going back to your homeland? Well, farewell then, young traveler. I shall rest here for a while. The blood flow makes one rather tired. I shall close my eyes now. Farewell, child, and beware of the dangers of the way. Farewell.”
The teacher asked the curious kids, “What way can you think of for turning matter into energy, as E=mc2 suggests?” There was murmur in the class, talk of breaking up the atom in reactors and making new nucleons, then silence with faces pleading for answer. The teacher smiled and said, “Well, why, you can simply burn a piece of paper for that!” While he said, an student in the corner, with disorderly hair and a dangling tongue, suddenly broke out in a chuckle, then laughed harder and lost balance and howled with laughter on the floor, tears of joy flowing down and his voice making the shocked class and interrupted teacher sound ever more silent, until he had no energy left for the laughter and used his body mass as energy, bit by bit, until he was no more.
He felt a rage that demanded guns and powerful punches and an enraged calmness to command the means to all that he wanted, analyze it, execute it, and let the room be awed for a moment, before the little awed ones screamed wide-eyed and the cops arrived and families wept and prisoners raped, at the utter peace of the bellow that came with the strike and shook away the tiny bits stored in tons before and now emptied for a moment to pave the way for regret to set in and wipe away the awe and only a moment left till it had all blown out into the universe to have not a lasting impact but a fraction of a second of forgettable brotherhood of the vast minority of enraged assholes sensing the awe. But instead he smiled and turned away, hoping the man wouldn’t be offended by such an indecent gesture as turning away.